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😈 The toughest product test of my life

Today, a very special inspection is on the agenda: the Dildo Testing Association has announced its visit to put a new set of ceramic dildos through their paces. The inspector accompanies me to the testing lab – my bedroom. After a brief welcome, I show him the test items and show him to his seat. From there, he has a perfect view of the entire testing process. Naturally, the first step is to check the working environment. I show him my ‘workwear’ and ensure that all the requirements for a proper quality test are met. The inspector scrutinises everything very closely and finally gives the go-ahead for the test series. Now the two ceramic dildos are examined in detail. After all, the workmanship, shape, surface and handling must meet the highest standards. Following the initial checks, I explain to the inspector that both candidates have successfully passed the initial inspection and we can move on to the next stage. Before the actual practical test, all conditions must, of course, be optimally prepared. After all, the test is to take place under realistic conditions. Only once everything is perfectly prepared does the inspector authorise the next test phase. Now the real endurance test begins. Both dildos are tested one after the other for comfort, handling and practical suitability. I carefully document every step and keep the examiner updated on my findings. The test series becomes increasingly intense, and the candidates must prove that they meet the high standards set by the Dildo Testing Association. But just as the test is drawing to a close, something unexpected happens: the examiner forgets his professional role, thereby committing a clear breach of the examination regulations. Naturally, such misconduct must have consequences. As the head of the examination, I remind him who’s in charge here and restore order in the testing laboratory. After a brief but firm reprimand, he is permitted to continue the assessment under strict conditions. This is followed by the final and decisive test phase. Once again, the dildos must show what they’re made of. After a thorough final inspection, the result is clear: ✅ Both ceramic dildos pass the test with flying colours. At the end of the inspection, each model is officially awarded the coveted seal of approval from the Dildo Testing Association. But before the inspector is allowed to leave the laboratory, I take another look at him and realise: perhaps he himself is due for a technical inspection again …