How am I going to appease my landlord?

from LeaStern

I couldn't pay my rent. I forgot to lock my apartment door today, and now he's standing here in my apartment, demanding his rent, of course. I definitely can't offer him cash right now. What am I going to do? But I'm not one to mince words, and I think I'll offer him something completely different instead of cash. We'll see if he likes that. But he can hardly refuse my suggestion. After all, I've heard that he and his wife are practically always arguing lately. He certainly wouldn't mind a little "relaxation" ????.